On My Grandmother’s Passing
Today we fly to Florida for my grandmother’s funeral. She passed away at home, still in complete possession of all her faculties. She was simply worn out by taking care of my grandfather, who has been slowly slipping away for years.
On July 4, after a visit to my grandfather’s nursing home, she drove home to her Daytona Beach condominium, got ready for bed, and then, literally, dropped dead.
My father and uncle, my grandmother’s priest, and other people around her encouraged her, even pleaded with her to let someone else take over the job of caring for her husband. Her response was always, “What meaning would my life have if I were to do that”?
My grandmother was a Bronx girl, born, raised and married in Fordham. She spent most of her early life within a block or two of St. James Park. She studied opera, worked for the telephone company, spoke in perfectly polished paragraphs, and dressed, almost every day, in Leslie Fay.
None of these details tells the complete story, but they give a sense of her amazing style, which was a mix of glamour, modesty, refinement, and a ferocious strength.
I thought she would live forever.
[...] left town for a funeral. Will be gone a week. Updates may be [...]
Jeffrey Zeldman Presents : Not at his desk
July 7, 2008 at 7:20 am
Beautiful.
Jesse Gardner
July 7, 2008 at 7:58 am
That’s a lovely post and I’m sorry for your loss. My own grandmother is 89 and has all her wits about her. She lives at an aged-care facility and I really don’t visit often enough. This is a timely reminder that the ones we love will one day be gone from our lives, very often sooner than we think.
juneegirl
July 7, 2008 at 8:15 am
DEar Carrie; This is Barbara, your sort of cousin in Brooklyn. We’re all very sad to hear about Muriel’s very sudden and unexpected passing–please know that you are all in our thoughts. Love you, Barbara (aunt Flo’s daughter)
Barbara Speregen
July 7, 2008 at 10:00 am
Amazing eulogy.
Ryan Hayes
July 7, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Thank you for such a simple yet moving post…..
descksoon
July 7, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such dear thoughts. Your Grandmother sounds like an amazing lady.
candress
July 7, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I share your sadness.
My Father died in 1991. My Mother refused to put him in a nursing home when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. For the first few years after his death she tried to die by trying to stop living and when she did not succeed she mourned him for the rest of her life. Then in 2002 cancer entered her life and she had a slow death. She just got smaller and smaller, until she died eventually in 2004.
I never knew how much I would miss her…
Matilda's Mom
July 7, 2008 at 1:30 pm
[...] On My Grandmother’s Passing Today we fly to Florida for my grandmother’s funeral. She passed away at home, still in complete possession of all [...] [...]
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July 7, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Thank you for sharing about your grandmother. Sounds like she was a wonderful women.
syinly
July 7, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. She sounds beautiful.
Kim Krause Berg
July 7, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I lost my Grandmother this year as well. I thought she would be around forever as well. In a way she will always be with me. I think the wisdom of Grandmothers live on in all of us. My grand mother was one who never used credit cards, bought everything with cash, only saved via CDs (did her well in the 70s). She did not have a lavish lifestyle but died with enough money to pay my fathers bills as he had no retirement other then SS. I think if we all though the way she did about money our country would be in no debt and be a lender country.
I have vowed to live the way she did (for now on) as she always said, “cash is King”. I have paid down my debt due to this vow.
I hear her voice at times and remember her as a great woman. Sjhe spoke her mind and I always knew where I stood. She had nothing to prove and was herself always.
I always got chewed out for not calling often enough, forgetting a family members birthday, or some other mis deed.
I got $5.00 for my birthday each year. I am 45 years old. I will miss the $5.00 and her card in August.
I am sorry for your loss. I really related to your post.
Al
politisite
July 8, 2008 at 3:56 am
You must be sad but it sounds like you were lucky and had a wonderful gran.
Jay
July 8, 2008 at 4:18 am
all i can say are my deepest condolences
passing away of a near and dear one is something that saddens all alike in the universe
it is such a strange thing when a person is born all smile while the new born cries
only people, like your grandmother, will die smiling whle the world cries at their departure
while my words seem hollow right now but i believe that when God wants some people back with more desperately he calls them back to his abode. It is natural to us to wail when someone so close to us passes away. God wails and rues the loss of all those who are here on earth.
just take it from me that your grandmom and thousands who pass to the heavenly abode are moving to a better place. This earth is full of miseries and pains. Some of us humans seem mean to others but they are just acting as instruments towards making earth full of misery.
it is evident how hard working a lady she was. An example set to so many who put self before service.
nitin
July 8, 2008 at 4:53 am
Thank you for sharing very heartfelt feelings about your grandmother. I can tell that she was a very special person to you.
My grandmother, who was incidentally a native Hawaiian, died many years ago. Although I was well-acquainted with her as a child, as I grew into my teenage years, and later into my college years, I rarely had a moment with her.
She eventually passed away in her home on the island of O’ahu. I regret never being able to know her better. I think you are fortunate to have been close to your grandmother.
I would recommend that you put together a journal with some pictures and maybe a brief history so that later generations will have a little knowledge concerning her life. I have been doing some genealogy lately and have found interesting facts about the lives of my ancestors. I do not want my grandmother to be forgotten, so I am in the process of organizing information about her (full name, date of birth, jobs held, places lived, important events, life-changing experiences, lessons learned, interests, unique characteristics, etc.). In this way, I feel that your grandmother will live forever.
I do not know if you are a person of faith, but I do believe that after we die, our spirits live on. I feel that one day you will see her again in the afterlife, and it will be a very joyous experience. I feel also that she is watching over you because she loves you very much.
Thank you again for a beautiful expression of love and appreciation for a beloved grandmother.
almatheyounger
July 8, 2008 at 5:07 am
That was a wonderful story about your mother. I add that it is an encouraging story about marriage and sticking to vows. That she stuck by his side til the end. That should be the portrait for marriage in the this world. Unconditional Love! Many thoughts and prayers for your loss. But be proud of whom you called your grandmother. Her memory will live in your mind forever!
Jonathan Hoover
July 8, 2008 at 9:09 am
Such a beautiful tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss and that of your extended families.
Kath
July 8, 2008 at 11:16 am
Carrie, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. You’re in our thoughts as you say goodbye to your wonderful grandma. The last line of your tribute brought heartache.
Michael Nolan
July 8, 2008 at 11:35 am
It is so hard to let go of our matriarchs and patriarchs, even when they have lived long and fulfilled lives. Take care.
Michael
July 8, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Carrie, I am sorry to hear of you Grandmother’s passing. She sounded like a wonderful person. Her legacy continues on in you because you are are wonderful person as well.
Wendy
July 9, 2008 at 7:55 am
http://www.jerrygarcia.com/images/music/cds/old_intheway.jpg
tc
July 9, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I saw my father completely take care my very dependent mother for the last decade of his life, even though others in the family pleaded with him to slow down. He was 22 years her senior but he still drove to work and back every day, paid all the bills, cooked all the meals, etc.
When he died…no doubt from the exhaustion of maintaining that lifestyle, I was terribly angry with her. But now, years later, I see it was clearly his choice, just his way of living. I wonder…was this a generational thing? Are we likely to be this way into our later years?
I just don’t know.
I wish you the comfort of memories and time.
Cala
July 9, 2008 at 8:17 pm
A beautiful tribute. I am sorry for your loss.
Runa
July 10, 2008 at 3:57 am
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